Anyone out there with a child in trouble with the law?

I am having estreme heartache and problems with my 13 soon to be 14 year old son and the law. I do not understand probation officer roles, county attorney roles and his lawyer's role in these proceedings. i am trying to work with them all to get the most help and best placement for my son... i am scared...and also his lawyer tells me that what i think is good for my son may not be what he wants, and that I should get my own attorney. does anyone know how all this works, and how to help me through all of this. right now he is in secure detention for the third time and they are deciding where they will send him now... i did not get him taken away for negligence, but because of him running away and being with bad friends and stealing... he is almost 14 and i am afraid if he commits another felony he will be gone from me forever.. he has already been gone for 8 months... our relationship has not time to heal... he is getting farther and farther from me... help!!!